I just sent off my first packet of the job hunting season. Oh the deadlines, they loom. Now I turn back to my blog and wonder, just what will the head of a search committee think of Breastowulf or my site’s unofficial mascot Jaunty? Desperate measures are called for. That means anyone hungry for a Got Medieval update is in for an unsatisfyingly rushed meal of atypical entrees. It’ll take more posts than I write in a year to get Angelina Jolie and her hwaets off the front page of this blog, and in each, I must–I must!–resist the temptation to reference such prurient fare. No more Knight Rider digressions until I’m gainfully employed, people. Thems the breaks.
Luckily, as a medievalist, I know how to cover up for past sins. It’s retraction time! With apologies to that Dude What Hath a Blog:
Here the writer of this blog takes his leave:
I beseech you meekly, oh search committees of the world, that you look kindly on me and have mercy on me and forgive me all my academic sins, in particular, the excessive and egregious pop culture references and my dirty medieval stories, all of which I revoke in this retraction:
My review of Kingdom of Heaven, the fabulous prizes I got for the same, the book I reviewed without reading, that day month several years when I was obsessed with Dan Brown, Jaunty, my review of the 2004 King Arthur movie, and all those other articles I wrote that are likely to cause people to think that medievalists occasionally have fun or are real people. We aren’t real people. We sit all day in the library in sober contemplation, dedicated to the life of the mind, except when we’re teaching our students valuable lessons that will cause them to one day donate lots of money to their old departments when they are famous. Also, medievalists love being good departmental members and attending every faculty meeting not just the ones where there’s going to be refreshments. And I don’t just not have a TV, I’ve never even heard of a TV. Excuse me, I mean tee-vee. No, I mean a ‘tehvvv’. Or I would, if I knew what one is, which I don’t. I’m not even sure it’s not called a VT, that’s how committed to my research I am.
There. That ought to do.