The Dark Digital Ages

There’s an interesting article on Popular Mechanics right now about “The Digital Ice Age,” a term they’re using to describe the danger of losing much of the information created by our current digital society to the lack of backwards compatibility. It’s good to see this issue getting some attention. People really should be giving more thought to what is happening to information as technology advances. It’s also good that they didn’t decide to title this article “The Digital Dark Ages.”* Here’s a good quote to convince you to read the entire article:

In 1986, for example, the British Broadcasting Corp. compiled a modern, interactive version of William the Conqueror’s Domesday Book, a survey of life in medieval England. More than a million people submitted photographs, written descriptions and video clips for this new “book.” It was stored on laser discs — considered indestructible at the time — so future generations of students and scholars could learn about life in the 20th century.

But 15 years later, British officials found the information on the discs was practically inaccessible — not because the discs were corrupted, but because they were no longer compatible with modern computer systems. By contrast, the original Domesday Book, written on parchment in 1086, is still in readable condition in England’s National Archives in Kew. (The multimedia version was ultimately salvaged.)

Now, it’s important that we laugh at the BBC for the right reasons. We shouldn’t laugh at them for not living up to the lifespan of the original Domesday Book.
The elder Domesday was a tax census, and thus immediately useful to the people who created it and increasingly useful as time passed. A collection of multimedia clips designed for posterity is pretty much doomed to obscurity the moment it’s created. The real reason those laserdiscs became unreadable is because there was nothing much on them worth reading. Thus, we should really be laughing at the BBC for choosing to name their little time capsule project after William the Conqueror’s bean counting project.

There’s a much more useful Digital Domesday out there, a searchable electronic edition of the medieval text available from the National Archives in Britain. Strangely enough, there’s no quick link that I can find on that site to a browseable version. You have to search for names or dates to see the facsimiles; you can’t just pull up page fifteen verso. You can, however, play a flash game featuring animated cows, and animated cows don’t come cheap, so you can see why they had to scrimp on usability.

Still, the main point that the Popular Science article raises is a good one. The usual meme about information in the Internet Age is that technology is freeing it, delivering it more quickly and more efficiently to a wider audience than ever before. While that is certainly true in the short run, technology is also becoming increasingly efficient at creating digital prisons for the information it once spread, walling it up behind copy protection, digital rights management, and proprietary software. But these three deliberate menaces pale in comparison to neglect and disrepair. Electronic media is not as vulnerable to bookworms, ale-stains, or dry rot, sure, but it’s far more vulnerable to people not caring very much about the information it contains for just long enough for the information to go poof. Try clicking on the links at a MST3K fan page and you’ll see what I mean. When the guy who used to run the comprehensive list of celebrity cameos on Dharma and Greg decides to take up skydiving and stops paying the server bill in order to save up for a new piece of falling-out-of-the-sky paraphernalia, all that information winks out of existence.

The answer’s not time capsules, though. People generally think that a thing like a time capsule would be a great boon to future historians, but judging by my experience with present-day historians, they’re really no more useful than a landfill or a trunk in the attic. The things that are important to historians are usually not the things that those living through events think are important, or the things that we want historians to think that we thought were important. If that last sentence is confusing, just think of the Public Radio interviewer’s game of “Desert Island Discs” or Lindsay Lohan’s iPod playlist as printed in whatever vanity interview is being published this month. Whenever someone asks you or Lindsay, “What five albums would you take if you were stranded on a desert island?” the last thing you do is give an honest answer.

If you’re like Lindsay, you say whatever your publicist thinks will make your legions of adoring fans think that you’re the “way of the future. If you’re like me, you try to think up the cleverest way to answer the question, something like, “Five MP3 CD’s with my entire record collection burned to it.” Either way, you’re not going to find out that both Lindsay and I love listening to Britney Spears’ “Toxic” at the gym unless you find our old Ipod player on the floor of the club we were partying all night at or that legal pad we were scribbling our playlist on during that lecture on paleography.** But if you’re going for the Ipod player, access it soon, before either electromagnetic decay kills the hard drive or Apple decides to stop supporting their old file formats.

Future generations are going to have an easier time reading the text on the Domesday book or a copy of Us Magazine than they will playing the Flash game featuring the cows or reading this blog. Paper is solid state memory that is unmatched in its ability to preserve information that nobody is interested in at the time, but that someone might be interested in later. Beowulf sat unread for over six-hundred years, give or take a century. The Winchester manuscript of Malory’s Morte D’Arthur was found on a shelf in a school library in the 20th century. Paper’s not perfect. Data loss is a persistent feature of the medium. Beowulf almost disappeared in a fire at Ashburnham House, after all.*** But until we have a digital medium that’s got a comparable shelf life and loss rate, it’s not time to toss out all those old books and newspapers in favor of jpeg scans.****

*A feat not accomplished by CBS’s story “Coming Soon: A Digital Dark Age?” back in 2003.
**Lindsay and I have more in common than you ever imagined.
***Ashburnham House is one of those signs that there is a God with a weird sense of humor, or possibly a sign that British archivists in the eighteenth century were completely bonkers. If you’re looking for a place to store your highly flammable Anglo-Saxon manuscript collection, would you choose a place called Ash-burn-ham House? Perhaps they figured they had a 33% chance of the manuscripts turning into tasty pork products and decided to play the odds.
****For a truly horrifying look at our library system’s plans to do just that, I urge you to read Nicholson Baker’s Double Fold: Libraries and the Assault on Paper.

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Way to go, guy who sent me your book

This just in: the dude who gave me his book, The Last Duel: A True Story of Crime, Scandal, & a Trial by Combat in Medieval France, is going to have his book made into a movie by Martin Scorsese. Read about it here in this article, Martin Scorsese Goes Medieval. Though I must warn you, this post already has more information in it than the linked article, which fails to mention my pivotal role in publicizing said book.

And Dude Who Gave Me a Book, I expect a copy of the movie when it hits DVD. I will review it sometime after I get around to reviewing 2004’s King Arthur movie. And though I don’t expect it, a job as a “medieval consultant” would rock, too. Just mention it to Marty for me.

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Just when I thought that people had stopped making these sorts of easily parodied statements, I find this article at Melbourne’s The Age:

Nuclear industry blasts ‘medieval’ Queensland

Apparently, Queensland is introducing laws to outlaw nuclear facilities in order to block the national government from building new nuclear plants in the state. The move prompted Ian Hore-Lacy of the Australian Uranium Association to remark, “The reaction sounds a bit like medieval book burning.”

Of all the bad things that are uniquely medieval out there to compare something to, why go and bring up book burning? All the Baptists I know burn six copies of Harry Potter before breakfast just to be on the safe side. I know books got burned in the Middle Ages, it’s just not an exclusively medieval thing. It’s like saying, “The reaction sounds a bit like medieval tooth decay” or “This is exactly the sort of medieval manslaughter I’d expect out of you.” And aren’t Nazis the go-to guys for book burning references? Or Joseph McCarthy? Or Stalin?

Really, the Middle Ages can’t win for losing. Usually, they get flack for not having enough books. Now they’re in trouble for burning the books that they didn’t have. But what do you expect? It’s not like they had nuclear plants. They had to keep warm somehow, and witches were mostly extinct by the 1200’s.

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I’m a Fraud!

Avoiding working on my thesis is hard, but it’s something I’ve given my full dedication to. Your average graduate students return to their work, metaphorical tails between their legs,* after only a few hours browsing the Internet, after having reorganized the books on their desk a mere once or twice. Not me. When I find that I’ve read all of the Onion, Slate, Salon, IGN, 1up.com, Boing Boing, the New York Times, Slashdot, Portal of Evil, checked my email a few dozen times, and reorganized my desk, the files in my My Documents folder, my office, and the Tupperware cabinet in the kitchen,** I don’t go meekly back to my work. I dig deep. Tonight, I found myself looking up websites that no longer exist, care of the Internet Archive. And that’s when I discovered that I’m a fraud.

Apparently, I stole the idea for my blog from TimmyBigHands.com, a humor site that I once read religiously–probably while avoiding writing papers as an undergraduate. One of the writers was Mike Nelson, of MST3K fame. Go, read this piece, a humorous review of The Rule of St. Benedict**** and you can see what I mean. It’s even got footnotes!***** Or, if you’re too lazy or too worried about getting back to your own thesis, you can just get the idea from this selection:

At this point I’m sure you’re all leaping to make the joke about the rule of Benedict being rather less helpful than the Rule of Thumb. This is patently not funny. Saint Thumb of Monte Cassino, Bishop and Martyr, lived a devout and shockingly painful monastic life, and was martyred in even a devouter and shockingly painfuller death, having been put to the spit like Saint Lawrence before him; only blessed Thumb actually was marinated first in the cellars of a Tuscan vineyard. They used the potent combination of an aged Barbaresco, a flagon of Modena’s famous balsamic vinegar, sprigs of fresh rosemary and just a bit of salt.[3] Thumb was a truly superior martyr, served with a very light sauce of saint drippings and porcinis reduced in more of the region’s fabulous red. However, this is a subject for separate commentary, and is thoroughly covered in Bokenkotter’s Culinary History of Medieval Saints, which also has some fantastic recipes.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go browse the Internet Archive for MST3K quote collections.

*Possibly, the legs are metaphorical as well.
**If you happen to be my wife and you happen to be reading this, don’t get your hopes up. I was employing exagerration for comedic effect.*** I would never reorganize that cabinet. So stop asking.
***If you don’t happen to be my wife, you may continue to pretend that I am the sort of person who re-organizes my Tupperware. Especially if you happen to be part of a job search committee considering my application.
****Part of a series that included reviews of Saliva, the Granule, Happiness, and Pain.
*****And here I always thought that I’d stolen those from Terry Pratchett.

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A ROMP For those preoccupied with Foleygate

Doing random thesisy things, I came upon this proverb, worthy to be drawn into your memory, and worthy to be a Random Occasional Medieval Proverb** for this site:

Atwen mab ae lla6ch: nyt atwen ae kar.*

A boy knows who fondles him: he knows not who loves him.

Referenced in one of those odd fragmentary Welsh Arthurian poems, “A Conversation between Gwenevere and Melwas.”

*My medieval Welsh is only moderately better than my medieval Klingon, so print this on a humorous tee-shirt at your own risk.

**Remember a year back when I said I’d make ROMP’s a recurring feature? What do you know–finally, a recurrence.

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A Picture I Forgot

Posting those last images reminded me that I never got around to posting this picture from last year’s trip to Bayeux:


It’s a menu from the outside of an ice-cream and such shop. I don’t remember why the price was blotted out, but I do remember being glad the shop existed after my bike ride out to see the WWII naval fortifications north of the city.

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And Who Will Cater the Battle of Agincourt?

As I continue to insist, there’s nothing more medieval than a good anachronism. And this is a good one:

This comes from Ian Muirhead’s Flikr set of the 940th anniversary of 1066 re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings. Note the Curry stand towards the top left of the photo. If you’re interested in seeing more, here’s a set by Kev Sutton. Also, Ian Muirhead’s sets of the archers (where this one’s from) and cavalry.

Of course, as a serious medieval scholar, I must point out that the battle of Hastings looked nothing like the above picture, but rather looked exactly like this:

So, if the re-enactors had wanted to be authentic, they would have put a giant pelican-bird thing where the curry stand was. If someone can get me the email of the organizers, I’ll bring this omission to their attention.

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Random Medieval Proverbs

Buried deep in the thesis at the moment, but I thought I’d offer up a few choice proverbs from Chretien de Troyes:

“Every saint has a feast day” — roughly equivalent to “Every dog has his day,” a good bit nicer than “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”

“The goat that fouls his own stall gets little rest.” — Pretty self-explanatory, eh?

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History on Top, Crazy on the Bottom

Normally, I don’t really pay much attention to the links that Google News sends me that appear to be legitimate history when I’m writing posts for my blog; I’m usually drawn instead to stories with flashy titles like “Stag nights are awful – just ask the medieval strippers of Tallinn”. But this article on the 1565 Siege of Malta‘s title gave me pause: The Victory of September 11, 1565.

As I write this, it’s only an hour into September 11, 2006,* and there are already four articles indexed by Google News combining the word ‘medieval’ with retrospectives on September 11, 2001. The others refer to Osama the “medieval fanatic,” “ethnic traditions we find strange and medieval,”** and “the medieval, convert-or-die jihad mandate of world domination.”*** This is not an auspicious start to the day, but I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve blogged in the past about how the word medieval is an easy euphemism for ‘bad, in a Muslim way.’

The Siege of Malta article is written in such a way as to make it impossible to imagine anyone delivering it other than a smoking-jacket-wearing British-accented historian seated in (a sound stage made up to look like) an opulent Victorian library where all the books are bound in gilt-lettered leather.**** It has the voice of high pop history, wherein various proud groups buy things at steep prices and abstract entities like Christendom get gynopomorphized. In a nutshell, the Knights of Malta, against all odds, beat back the Muslim Turks 426 years before the Twin Towers fell. Like all grand Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire-type history, the article ends with a moral:

On this day, when we remember the act of treachery and malevolence that finally made manifest to us this war, it is foolish to abstract it from its historical context. It is foolish to remember New York, September 11, 2001, and never once think about Vienna, September 11, 1689, or Malta, September 11, 1565; or even Constantinople, May 29, 1453 or Tours, October 7, 732. We might as well talk obsessively about Normandy and say nothing of Pearl Harbor or the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. We might as well fix our attention on Gettysburg and cultivate perfect innocence of Ft. Sumter or First Manassas.

And it’s at this point that my normal narrative style fails me. It’s hard to joke after reading an article that both praises Crusaders and condemns the religiously-motivated wars of the Muslims without recognition or irony. So all I can do is check my dates and provide this handy comparison chart:

Twin Towers — Sept 11, 2001 Fall of Constantinople — May 29, 1453 Battle of Tours***** — Oct 10, 732
Normandy — June 6th, 1944 Pearl Harbor — Dec 7, 1941 Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact — Aug 23, 1939
Gettysburg — July 1, 1863 Fort Sumter — Apr 12, 1861 First Manassas — July 21, 1861

Clearly, the Fall of Constantinople played as great a role in our current Global Struggle With Islamo-Nazi-Fasco-Unionish-Saracens as did Pearl Harbor in World War II. Let me spell out the insinuation:

At Normandy, the Allies (U.S., Canada, Britain, and others), attacked Germany, the ally of Japan, who had attacked the U.S. at Pearl Harbor. On Sept 11, 19 Muslim terrorists attacked the U.S., which was colonized by the English who descended from the Angles and Saxons who conquered the British who were once ruled by the Romans who lost half of their empire to the Byzantines who were in turn conquered by the Turks who answered the charge of Mohammed who chased the cat who swallowed the fly… Sorry, I got lost there.

Maybe I’m not the best person to figure out how this religious Jihad fits into the grand sweep of Western history. I’m probably better suited to the medieval strippers after all. Unfortunately, the next dozen hits I pull up for the word ‘medieval’ on Google News today are probably going to be more like these stories than my usual targets.

*No back-dating this time, true believers.
**The ethnic tradition mentioned? The “blog ravings of young Muslim women praying for the suicide deaths of their own children.” Normally, I’d make a whole post out of that sort of quote, but today’s grim anniversary has give me bigger fish to fry. You’ll just have to imagine what sort of jokes I’d make about medieval blogs. Some would be self-deprecating and meta, no doubt.
***I’d also probably make a post out of this quote from said article: “Like the evil portrayed in Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” – which, after earlier conquests, went dormant for centuries, only to re-emerge in the latter days with a newly rekindled imperative to conquer the world – so it is with radical Islam.”
****Bearskin-rug-having, as well. Pipe-puffing, optional.
*****This is the battle where Charles Martel fought the Saracens.

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And the Winner…

…for quote from a medieval food news article that sounds most like a Jack Handy Deep Thought:*

Imagine looking at the bowl of apples sitting as a centerpiece in the middle of a dining table from the European Middle Ages. Take a bite, and as you sink your teeth in, you find that it’s not an apple at all but a pork meatball called pomme dorre.

Cf.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable – until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

BONUS: At this site I found a transcription and translation of a late middle English (circa 1440) cook book, the Liber cure Cocorum, with a recipe for the fake apples mentioned in the article.

For powme dorrys.

Take porke and grynde hit rawe, I kenne,
Temper hit with swongen egges; þenne
Kast powder to make hit on a balle;
In playand water þou kast hit schalle
To harden, þenne up þou take,
Enbroche hit fayre for goddes sake.
Endore hit with 3olkes of egges þen
With a fedyr at fyre, as I þe kenne;
Bothe grene and rede þow may hit make
With ius of herb3 I undertake;
Halde under a dysshe þat no3t be lost,
More honest hit is as þou wele wost.

For Glazed Meatballs [lit: golden apples]

Take pork and grind it raw, I teach,
Mix it with beaten eggs; then
Cast powder to make it in a ball;
In boiling water you shall cast it
To harden, then up you take,
Spit it fair for God’s sake.
Baste it with yolks of eggs then
With a feather at [the] fire, as I teach you;
Both green and red you may make it
With juice of herbs I undertake;
Hold under a dish that naught be lost,
More commendable it is as you well know.


I think the book is definitely worth a glance. Baked lampreys! Fake entrails! Roasted woodcock! Delicious.

*OK, so maybe it’s not as close as it sounded to me when I started this post. But any excuse to read over some old Deep Thoughts is worth it, I think.

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